Relationship Problems

Dear Deidre

I HAD great sex last weekend with a girl who goes to university in the same city as me. If my girlfriend found out it would break her heart.

This is the fifth time I have cheated on my girl in the past six weeks. I started at uni in September and I’ve been having a brilliant time.

I’ve made lots of friends and on Saturday a group of us went over to a friend’s flat.

The girls in the flat below knocked on the door and we invited them in. They all go to the other university in the city.

I fancied one girl the moment I saw her and she was clearly interested in me.

We’re both 19. We played drinking games, then the two of us ended up in the bedroom and had sex. I’ve got her number and really fancy seeing her again.

It is just not working for me being in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend back home.

We started dating in the sixth form at school. She is 18, beautiful, kind and caring, but I am having a ball at uni — partying lots, drinking more than I probably should and getting off with girls.

My girlfriend rings me most days and drives the 100 miles to visit me once a week without fail.

She says she lives for seeing me but I put her off last week with a lame excuse about having a stomach bug.

It’s the first time I have ever lied to her and she was so sweet and understanding.

The truth is I don’t want to see her like I once did but it would destroy her.

I started to say my feelings had changed in a phone call the other night but she seems determined to ignore it.

It is just so difficult to deal with this situation.

One minute I think I love her — the next I’m not so sure.

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Deidre

AFTER raising three children, my breasts are so awful I can’t bear to look at them.

I am 34 and at an all-time low. It affects every area of my life. When I take a shower, I feel physically repulsed.

My lovely husband of eight years, who is 35, walked out recently. Me being miserable all the time played a part.

I will never find another man looking as I do. I could never bear them looking at me.

I wouldn’t even let my husband look. I do not have enough money for breast surgery, which depresses me even more.

Dear Deidre

MY husband cannot have sex with me properly – which means I have no chance of the baby I have longed for.

I am 37, so my biological clock is ticking. He is 40. In our seven years together, he has climaxed during intercourse just a few times.

We talk about it but he gets angry and refuses to get help. I have had two IVF treatments and both failed.

I am devastated. My one and only ambition is to be a mum.

I don’t think it bothers him if we have a baby. He says: “If it’s not meant to be, there is nothing we can do.”

I am so angry. If he’d sort out his problem, I could probably conceive naturally.

 

Dear Deidre

I HAVE never met my father and I feel like a big part of my life is missing.

My mum brought me up on her own. I love her and respect her but I have no idea what my father looks like or even if he knows I exist.

I am a 24-year-old man and have never had a strong male figure in my life.

My mum refuses to help me and I am not even sure the name she has given me is right. I live with my girlfriend and our new baby boy. It feels even more important now to find my dad – but I have no idea where to start.

 

 

Dear Deidre

I ADORE two women. I am longing for one to move in with me but I cannot choose.

I am 41 and met the first woman a year ago. She is 36, clever and a teacher back in my country of origin.

She is generally kind but has a hard, cold side when upset and can be controlling.

Sex wasn’t brilliant to begin with but has improved. She is trying harder to be a nicer person and she would motivate me, which I sometimes need.

I was struggling over whether to go on seeing her when I met another woman online. She’s 31 and also lives in another country. She’s kind, sweet, calm and sensitive, not driven and very into me. The sex is amazing.

Both want to move to the UK and marry me. My head is in a spin. Do I go with my head or my heart?

 

Dear Deidre

I CHEATED on my husband with a hot young man I met at bingo.

He is young enough to be my son and it was so exciting.

I am 44 and have been married for 23 years. We have a 22-year-old daughter together.

My husband is 46 and I have never stopped loving him — but I guess we take each other for granted these days.

I started going regularly to bingo — to get out of the house as much as anything. I made friends there and became obsessed a bit with it, going four times in the week and on Saturdays.

The bingo club got a new barman last month. He is in his twenties and I chatted and flirted with him.

I got to my car one evening after bingo and realised I had left my gloves behind.

I went back into the club to get them and the barman said he would walk me to my car, as it was late and very dark.

We stopped by my car and before I knew it, we were kissing.

One thing led to another and we had sex in the back of the car. It was great but I regretted it instantly.

Afterwards, I felt so guilty that I confessed the fling to my husband.

I told him he’d not been giving me any attention and he said I was never there for him to do it. I realised he was right.

This was not the first time I have cheated.

My husband worked away for six months two years ago and I was very lonely when an old flame contacted me on Facebook.

We met up and spent the night together. It felt special at the time but my lover soon lost interest.

I was OK about it but my husband found the messages and guessed what I had done.

He was devastated but we eventually moved on.

I begged forgiveness and swore never to hurt him again.

I don’t want to talk about it and want to put it behind us now, but my husband says I am trying to sweep it under the carpet.

Dear Deidre

GO to work, come home, have something to eat, watch TV, then go to bed. It is the same the next day and I often ask myself what is the point of living.

I am married – my wife is 32 and I am 35. We are all right financially but I keep asking myself what the reason is for life.

I earn enough to pay the bills but not enough to buy the things I would really like. Presumably this will go on for another 30 to 40 years.

Then I will have an uncertain quality of life when I finally retire.

I worry about death and what comes afterwards.

I sometimes wish my life would finish but I am not suicidal, so I would not consider what I’m feeling is depression. It is more an apathy about living.

I am reluctant to talk to my wife about it, as I know she would be upset.

Dear Deidre

I MET a woman on the internet and at first it was great – but now I feel she’s playing with my emotions.

I have been single for three years since my wife left me.

I am 43 and it felt great to meet this woman. We texted and chatted every day for a couple of months. She is 36 and came to stay for a week.

We had a brilliant time. She said I was her soulmate and that she was falling in love with me. But after she went home, she hardly contacted me. She says she misses me, then I hear nothing for days.

If I ask what she wants, she won’t give me an answer. It is so frustrating. I feel I am getting nowhere.

Dear Deidre

MY boyfriend comes round for sex every Friday  and leaves the next day. That is all I see of him.

When he gave me a birthday card, it was addressed to “Isabel” — but my name is Clare.

I thought this guy was so lovely when we met a year ago. He came into the charity shop where I work.

He runs a market stall and he’d come in weekly for bric-a-brac or antiques to sell on.

I don’t earn much so I’m not at all glamorous, usually buying dowdy second-hand clothes in the shop, but he was really nice and friendly to me.

He told me the sort of thing he needs for his stall and gave me a business card, so I called him when we had some china that he might be interested in.

He was pleased I’d found him a bargain so asked me out for a drink. I’m 27, and he’s 40 and married. It was just as friends, but as I got to know him better, I realised his marriage was all but over.

He said he only continues to live with his wife and son because he can’t afford to leave.

We started going out for a drink regularly and took things to the next level after a couple of months. I thought I’d met my Mr Right. He’s cooled off with me lately though, and now he’s never interested in seeing me.

It was my birthday last week and when he saw my reaction to the wrong name being on the card, he said that name was on my badge at work — but I’ve never worn a name badge. I cried myself to sleep that night. Can it be that he doesn’t even know my name? Is that all I mean to him?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Deidre

MY ex-husband has poisoned my children against me.

I’m 42 and my ex is 45. He had an affair and left me to be with his new woman.

I have a son of 16 and a daughter of 12. I met somebody new at work within six months of my husband leaving. He’s 40.

My ex was furious. It was OK for him to have somebody new but not me.

My son had an argument with my partner one night and hit him in the face.

My partner was angry but did not retaliate in any way.

My son called his dad who picked him up, and he never came back. My daughter then insisted she stay with her dad while my partner and I went on holiday, though we asked her to come with us.

Now she says she wants to live with them. I’m heartbroken.

Dear Deidre

I TOLD a new girl at our school I was a virgin but the whole school knows I slept with a boy in my year so now no one speaks to me.

I’m 16 and slept with a boy at a party six months ago.

I felt so ashamed but I’d had some vodka and I’m not used to drinking.

This new girl started at our school recently and we get along really well.

We were talking about relationships and she said she was a virgin. I didn’t really think about it so I just said: “So am I.”

She told another friend who said I was a liar. Now nobody will talk to me.